Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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