he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize