we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
