I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize