Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
