I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
