just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
