i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
