1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
