when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
