wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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