My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
