ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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