You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
