Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
