So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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