Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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