I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
