Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
