found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
