There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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