I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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