I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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