I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
