you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
