i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
