Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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