I like my sex mixed with concussions.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
