He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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