You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
