I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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