the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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