Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
