I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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