In the future we'll all be gay
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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