Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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