I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
