weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
