Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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