I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
