all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
