Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's always time for handjobs
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
