And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
