Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
