bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
