I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
