Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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