Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
