ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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