I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
