I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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