if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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