I can text with my tongue
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
