I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
