Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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