I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
