you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
