how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
