hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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