I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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