Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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