ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i out mim tonsoeep
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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