I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize