Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
