It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
