They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
