you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
