her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
