In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
