Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
