I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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