Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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