and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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