my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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