Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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