He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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