The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
