i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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