literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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