you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
