Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
