last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
